Lo, a new power rose in the East. The warlord Michael of Jordan united the people of Chicago under the crest of the bull, then with his general Scottie of Pippen and the triangular religion of bishop Phil of Jackson, conquered the whole realm. Alas, those feeble heirs who inherited Michael’s fiefdom upon his passing into retirement failed to retain all he’d won, and soon kings named Kobe of Bryant and LeBron of James vied for supremacy. This, I assume,…