It is time to confront the terrible truth that I once took part in a school fashion show. I ran in two categories, Ballroom and Street, a serious test of range for a kid who had only just mastered the daredevil technique of wearing a shirt without a tie. In the Ballroom bracket, I was asked to do a waltz in an Indian wedding gown provided by a local sponsor who, I can only assume, immediately went out of business.…